


Bring Me Back

by SunnyWrites



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, very brief mentions of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 00:06:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3629274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunnyWrites/pseuds/SunnyWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a constant struggle from day to day. A challenge to focus, to think, to remember. The monster inside his head was slowly falling apart and taking him along with it. The thing took away his thoughts and replaced them with flashes of memory that he wasn't even sure were his own, as well as something close to a low-pitched scream. Yet, even at his worst, North was there to wrap his arms around him and keep him attached to the real world. Even when he couldn't even remember his own name, let alone North's, he was still there to keep the bad thoughts away. He didn't know what he would do without North. He didn't know what he was going to do when the Director sent him off to be fixed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bring Me Back

"Count to ten." said the soothing voice in his ear, low and soft. "Can you do that for me?" 

"One...Two...Three..." he counted slowly, hearing the praise that the voice gave him as though from far away, or maybe under water. Counting was something they did more and more these days. It kept his mind away from himself. It distracted him with a simple, easy to follow task. They had once gone to the gym to help him burn off steam, but that had become too much when he had started to get so distracted that there was a serious risk of him hurting himself. Sex, too had been a good distraction for awhile, but that required more energy than he had now. Counting was the best they could think of. He was scared of what would happen if even that became too much. "...Eight...Nine...Ten." 

"Very good." the voice praised. 

He felt the warmth around his chest and against his back. He heard the faint hum of electricity. The world around him felt a little less blurry. The scream in his head was quiet. 

"Can you tell me your name?" said the voice. He felt the rumble of that voice against him. He never wanted that feeling to leave. 

"David." he mumbled, blinking slowly at his surroundings. A bedroom. Grey walls. No windows. A sterile white light. A locker. A chest of drawers. A bed with purple blankets that stuck out from the wall, meticulously made. With a small sigh, he closed his eyes again. "Wash." he breathed after a moment. A worry began to grow inside him , the noise in his head becoming louder. "I don't...I don't know which. Which one is it? Tell me...You have to tell me! I don't know...I don't know!" It was quickly becoming a panic, but that voice was there again, the warmth pulling him close, keeping the cold of the room away. 

"Count to ten for me, David." David. The voice always called him David. That was where the name had come from. It was a special name for the voice to use in that soothing, slow rumble. David. It could be Wash for everyone else. "...Nine...Ten." he sighed, tipping his head back and finding more warmth to rest against. 

"You're doing so well." the voice told him, making the ghost of a smile appear on his lips. The scream inside his head had turned into chatter. Have to get back. It's all my fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. Have to get back. But it was quiet chatter and he could focus instead on the rumble of the soothing voice that praised him. "Can you tell me my name?" it was asking him. He frowned at this. He couldn't imagine life without this voice, so how could he not know the name that came with it? All my fault. All my fault, screamed his brain. Not his brain. The thing in his brain. 

"No." he finally said, flinching and biting his lip, shoulders shaking with fear. The voice was going to be disappointed and leave him. He just couldn't think with that thing in his head demanding all his thoughts. 

But the voice simply cooed and he felt that warm touch stroke his hair. "It's okay, it's okay. It's not you're fault, David. Can you repeat that back to me? It's not your fault."

"It's not my fault." My fault. My fault. My fault. "It's not my fault." 

"I've got you, David. I promise. I've got you and I'll keep you safe."

There was a flash of light behind his eyelids. The thing in his head had made memories a painful thing. They came in flashes, loud, and bright, and horrible. Sometimes the memories he saw didn't even belong to him. Very rarely were they his own. They were never pleasant. 

"You can't take him away from me!" shouted a man. He was very very tall and though he looked very strong, had a softness about him. He was blonde and pale and had ice blue eyes. He looked ready to snap the neck of the person standing in front of him. This was the owner of the soothing voice that kept him warm and promised to keep him safe. The memory was thin, only a sliver of an image with darkness on either side. He'd been spying through a partially opened door when he'd seen this. He couldn't see who the owner of the soothing voice was talking to. "I'm the only one who can bring him out of those trances. I'm the only one he'll talk to. I can calm him down and bring him back, even if it's only for short periods of time. You're the one that put an unstable AI in his head! Don't fuck him up even more by taking him away from me!"

"Agent Washington is not your responsibility." snapped a different voice, this one more melodic, with a thick accent. He didn't know what made this voice scary, but it sent a chill down his spine none the less. "To be perfectly honest, I find your...attachment to him disturbing. You should know better than to get emotionally involved with other freelancers. You're here to work, not to make friends. I'd advise you to watch your tone with me, Agent North Dakota. Don't you dare speak to me in that manner again."

There was a long pause before North...That was his name! How could he have forgotten it? There was a long pause before North's hands balled into fists and he gritted his teeth. "With all due respect, Sir." he said, obviously doing everything within his power to stop from shouting. "You're making a huge mistake. If you send him away, you're...we're all going to lose him. He's fragile and sweet and obsessed with following the rules. I've seen people come back from that place. They're never the same. Don't take him from me. I can bring him back. I know I can." He was pleading. North was pleading. He'd never heard North do that before. Normally he was so collected, as though he had all the puzzle pieces, knew the answer, but just wanted to help everyone else get there too. Now, North just sounded scared.

"Was I unclear before?" growled the voice that was scaring North so badly. "Did you misunderstand me when I told you to watch your tone? I'd find it funny that you think you have any say in the matter if I didn't find it so disrespectful. Get out of my site. Go comfort Agent Washington and get him ready for his trip."

"Sir, I-"

"You are dismissed, Agent North. If you talk back to me one more time, I will personally see to it that Agent Washington, as well as Agent South, and anyone else you care to name never sees or speaks of you again. Have I made myself perfectly clear?"

"Yes, Sir." There was so much bitterness and anger in North's voice, but with a nod, he turned on his heel and walked away.

Another burst of white. A scream in his head. My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault. "North?" he breathed, opening his eyes slowly.

"I'm here." That warmth around him, that was North, wasn't it? North's arms around him, his back pressed against North's chest. They were sitting on the floor. Why were they on the floor? He supposed it didn't really matter.

"North." he said again, unable to find the energy to turn around or move at all. "Why are we on the floor?"

"Because I couldn't move you." North replied honestly. "Do you want to move now?"

"I want to go to bed." he breathed. North didn't reply to this, he simply stood, scooping him into his strong arms. He was not a small man by any stretch of the imagination, but North could carry him with ease. It made his stomach drop to wonder what the reason for North being unable to get him off the floor must have been. What did he do when he lost track of himself? What did he say? He was set on North's bed carefully and shifted to allow North room enough to hold him close and keep him grounded. North didn't disappoint him. It was so warm in North's arms. "How long until they take me away?" he asked, face pressed into North's shoulder.

"Not much longer." North breathed, his voice breaking ever so slightly. "I'm so sorry, David. I don't know what else I can do." 

He wanted to tell North to run away with him, or to find him and break him out of whatever hell hole they were going to send him to. But deep down, he knew he couldn't ask that of him. North had his sister to think about. He wasn't going to ask something that would tear a family apart. That didn't stop it from hurting. That didn't stop the fear from slowly creeping into his skin and body and mind. What would they do to him at whatever mental institution they were going to lock him up in? "It's not your fault." he said with a heavy sigh. It wasn't North's fault. It was the monster inside his mind that screamed and slowly killed itself, invading every part of him and making them indiscernible from each other. Sometimes he couldn't tell the difference between his thoughts and its thoughts. Was he killing himself or was it killing itself? Were they both killing themselves? North's strong arms kept him in the real world. North's soothing voice. The heat of North's body. North. North. North. "You have another name besides North don't you?"

"I do." came the gently reply.

"I don't remember it."

"That's okay, North is my name too." North's fingers found their way into his hair, relaxing him and even making him smile.

"I love you. Promise you'll wait for me to get better." He couldn't ask North to abandon his family, but he could ask to not be abandoned himself. He couldn't help that small amount of selfishness. 

"I promise that I'll wait, David. If they let me, I'll call you every day." North place a gentle kiss on his cheek with a soft sigh. "I love you too. I love you so much. You'll get better before you know it. You're so strong." 

"I'm tired now. I don't feel strong. Can we sleep?" Yawning loudly, he nuzzled closer to North, wrapping an arm around the twin and holding him tight. Some part of him was afraid that if he fell asleep, North would be gone when he woke up. Most parts of him were afraid of that, but North was so solid and strong and his promises were so gentle and trustworthy. North would be there to hold him and kiss him in the morning, just the same as he was doing now. Falling asleep was becoming harder and harder, nightmares coming more frequently, but falling asleep in North's embrace was easier. Slowly, but surely, he drifted off, the voice in his head quiet now that he'd calmed down. He wasn't sure if it took minutes or hours for him to fall asleep, but once he was there, no dreams disturbed him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A dim light nervously filled the room, a gentle pink and purple flicker. "North?" mumbled the childlike voice of Theta.

"Stay quiet, buddy. You don't want to wake him." whispered North. "What's got you so worried, Theta?"

"It's Agent Washington's AI that's making him sick, right?" 

"That's right."

Theta whimpered at this, shifting nervously from foot to foot, ringing his little hands. "I'm not going to do that to you, am I? I'm not going to make you sick?"

North cooed softly and shook his head as much as he could without disturbing the sleeping freelancer in his arms. "No, Theta. You're not going to make me sick like this."

"I'm not going to get you in trouble? Are you positive?" Theta sounded as though he might cry, glowing brilliantly with distress. 

"Theta, you're upsetting yourself. We've talked about this, bud. Everything is going to be just fine." Everything was going to be just fine. David would come back all better and Epsilon free, and they'd serve out their tours as freelancers, and then maybe go to the moon with his sister and forget the war and be just fine. Maybe even more than fine. North had to make himself believe that. If he didn't, than no one would. "Get some rest, Theta. In the morning we'll see how he's doing. Everything is going to be just fine."

Everything was going to be just fine.


End file.
